USAGI: God no, I've barely just begun!
SEPH: And how about me? When do my plans get put into action?
USAGI: All in good time, my dear Sephiroth... but first, it's time to return to that never ending well of amusement...
SEPH: ...... NO.
CHIBI: Oh god, not again...
USAGI: (grins) YEP! It's SIMS time!
SEPH: Fuck off. I'm not in the mood for red spandex.
CHIBI: I am also not in the mood for him in red spandex.
USAGI: Who said it was going to be about you this time?
USAGI: I have a new family to introduce...
SEPH: ... I feel betrayed.
USAGI: Quit your whining, pretty boy. XD
Of course, if the ShinRa crew are going to live together, they need... appropriate lodgings.
SAM: GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, nice pad!
And here are our illustrious heroes!
RUFUS: Oh dear, why did we invite her to live with us again?
Our heroes gather for general fun and shenanigans!
The man in charge himself. Calm. Cool. Collected.
RUFUS: NO, I did NOT just hear a request for a budget upgrade!
Reno and Alex are quick to engage in close bonding.
ALEX: No, I will NOT show you my bra, you DICK! And I get first dibs at the bathroom!
Reno was quick to lick his wounds... per se... um, yeah.
RENO: Hey Tseng, guess where my hand is?
Tseng, being the cool headed head of the Turks that he is, was able to beat off Reno (NOT THAT WAY PERVS) and find safety with Elena.
TSENG: I swear, the man gets near me for five seconds and he's already getting ideas about how to use his finger.
ELENA: Wow, I... so didn't need to know that, sir.
RUDE: That goes double for us, sir.
Rufus shows his amazing leadership skill!
RUFUS: Oh god, Reno wants more money for booze! HIDE ME, ALEX!
ALEX: ... I really need a raise. Or a vacation.
And so our intrepid heroes settle into the neighbourhood, eager to be welcomed by their new neighbours!
RENO: ... except for THOSE neighbours.
YAZOO: Say, Sephiroth, things have been rather quiet lately. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
SEPHIROTH: I think so, Yazoo, but how are we going to get the bloodstains out of the carpet?
Tseng, ever the faithful watchdog of ShinRa, keeps watch.
TSENG: I am master of all I survey. I am the eyes and ears of the corporation. Nothing escapes my vigilant notice. Every pindrop, every cough, is under my watchful guard. Nobody enters or leaves without my knowledge. I am the-
SEPHIROTH: Hey Tseng.
TSENG: Hey Sephiroth... I am the eternally alert guardian of ShinRa, never caught off guard, never known to.... HEY!!!!
While Rufus and Sephiroth get... reaccquainted...
RUFUS: And I still say one can instill fear in the populace without resorting to mass murder!
SEPHIROTH: You would think that, you milk-blooded pussy... then what would I expect from a mere human?
... Yazoo renewed his association with Tseng and Elena.
YAZOO: Hey, remember when my brothers and I tortured you? Hehe, wasn't that cool?
TSENG: Touch me again and I will express my displeasure all over you.
ELENA: You TORTURED us, you bastard! How COULD you?
YAZOO: It was very easy, really... all it took was a hot branding iron, a knife, and a few pounds of salt, really...
Rufus overheard this...
RUFUS: Would you fuckers just leave my Turks alone?
SEPHIROTH: Touchy touchy, ShinRa. Do you kiss your daddy with that mouth?
RUFUS: O_O ........ I am going to kill you.
Elena, scarred by the memory of what Yazoo did to her, starts to cry.
YAZOO: Excellent. My work here is done. Who else can I traumatize?
Rude, hearing Elena cry, came into the hallway and assessed the situation.
RUDE: .... grr.
YAZOO: *sigh* Fine. SEPH! We're leaving!
SEPHIROTH: And just when I was about to have some fun.
SEPHIROTH: Oh, don't rest easy just yet, little boy... mark my words, you'll feel my wrath this very day.
YAZOO: Come on, Seph, we don't want to be late for Kadaj coming home from school!
SEPHIROTH: *mutter mutter fine* *leaves*
To celebrate the dispatch of their villainous enemies, the Turks decided to get something to eat.
REIJA: Here, I'll cook. I heard something about men thinking that women who cook are sexy.
RUFUS: ... I'm sorry, what was the question?
Soon, the kitchen was a free for all, with Sam in the middle of the fray.
SAMANTHA: YAY, mac and cheese! I'm so happy to have some! Nothing can go wrong when you have mac and cheese!
*there is a FWOOMPH as the oven catches on fire*
SAMANTHA: (oblivious) Nothing can go wrong when you have mac and cheese!
The Turks and Rufus respond as any cool, calm, and ruthless group of corporate assassins and cutthroat executives would respond in a crisis.
ALL: ARRGH! OH GOD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Luckily, the Edge Fire Brigade were quick on the spot and put the blaze out, letting everyone breathe a sigh of relief.
RENO: Nice going, Sam.
SAM: Hey, it's not MY fault the stove caught on fire!
TSENG: Samantha, who else is responsible? I mean, none of us are exactly the type to set things on fire for amusement's sake!
YAZOO: Hey, you're right, Seph, that was fun.
SEPHIROTH: I told you... setting things on fire always makes ME happy. Come on, let's get home to Mother.
(The two silver haired men wander off, snickering)
After all the excitement was finished, the Turks enjoyed themselves in their new pool...
...before putting down for the night...
...or going down, in some cases.
The next morning, they assembled in the dining room for breakfast, bright eyed and bushy tailed.
TSENG: (falling asleep in cereal)
RENO: Man, I was like a freaking bullet train last night... charging straight into the tunnel of Tseng's...
ALEX: Finish that sentence and I will disembowel you with this spoon.
Today was a work day, and all the Turks (save for Tseng) had signed up for the Law Enforcement program, as benefitted their skills and devotion to the company.
REIJA: How are 6 of us going to fit into that little car?
RUDE: Bah, I can take the trunk.
Rufus left for work soon after in his private helicopter.
RUFUS: Could we hurry this up? We have to go and pick up Mr. Tortured And Wounded off in the forest so
This left Tseng alone in the house as guard and administrator to the Turk program. Naturally, he attended his primary duty as leader of the Turks... cleaning up after them.
TSENG: What are these, NOODLES? Honestly, are they a bunch of animals?
Before he knew it, however, a car pulled up outside and discharged a sullen Alex.
ALEX: ........ I was FIRED, OK!?!? I didn't want to wear this fucking dress uniform anymore, anyway.
Sighing, Tseng shoved the paper in her face and made her reapply.
Rufus was the next back from work, having made absolute disgusting amounts of money in no time at all.
TSENG: Sir, may I respectfully suggest we purchase more toilets and showers? Two of each between eight of us is not going to work well, especially with Reno's splashing around and loud singing of "Rubber Ducky, You're The One"
RUFUS: Duly noted.
No sooner had Rufus returned as did his other loyal employees, fresh and eager from a day at work.
ELENA: Yay, what an awesome day! I think this calls for spaghetti with TONS of tomato sauce!
TSENG: ... (looks at the immacuately clean kitchen) May I also put in a budget request for hiring a maid, sir?
RUFUS: ... yes. Yes, you may.
And with that, the first few days of the ShinRa household draw to a close. But fear not, there's more amusement than was covered here...
RUFUS: Let's see... "Rampant Zombie Hoardes at ShinRa, All Dead." God, they didn't mention the worst issue... my SUIT got creased!
Rufus at work in his study, as benefits the head of a company.
RUFUS: ...... my porn is downloading slowly today.
RENO: You know, people are always talking about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it. Hey, we should do something about it. Let's build a giant big weather satellite and control the weather of the Planet. For the glory of ShinRa!
ELENA: Reno... there are times you can be very deep thinking and insightful. This is not one of those times.
Rufus and Sam discover the... er... joys of only having two showers between eight people.
SAM: You stink, sir.
RUFUS: Hmmph. I know who won't be getting their annual bonus if they don't go and have a fucking shower.
RENO: My milkshaaaake brings all the boys to the yaaaard!
RUDE: ... you may be my partner, but if you sing again, I will be forced to hurt you.
Rude looks so HAPPY for bed!
Tseng. Scholar. Artist. Total wanker.
TSENG: I am having difficulty deciding the best method of juxtaposing the discordant colors of the primary spectrum with the chiascuro of the figures.
RENO: ... will any of this involve booze?
Reno scoffs in the face of showers. Sponge baths are where it's at!
Note: heart boxers.
Elena approaches the diving board with as much trepidation as a mission.
ELENA: ... my bathing top is going to pop off. I KNOW it.
Deep Thoughts with Tseng.
TSENG: I have recently reached the conclusion that the nature of reality is less a Platonic ideal and more a set of chaotic individual objects with which we interact with regularly. Also, the Turks are a bunch of lazy asses.
ELENA: ... GOD, he's so fucking sexy when he's being intelligent. Ravish me, sir.
Rufus demonstrates his skill with the piano.
RUDE: ... still on "Chopsticks", sir?
RUFUS: Shut up. >.>
And for those of you that like a little yaoi with your yaoi... The Tseng/Reno cuddle series. (AMUSING GAME NOTE: they never did actually have sex, as they refused to do so with Rude sleeping in the same room as them)
NOTE: Sorry to Reeve!Mun, Scarlet!Mun, and any other ShinRa staff players who wonder where their character is; I can only put 8 characters in a house to start with. Hopefully I can fiddle with cheats and add in more characters later.
Next time... I think it's time that Strife Delivery Services had a home...
SEPH: ... what about us?
ME: What about you? If I want to torture you two, I have real RPing to do that.
See ya next time!